"Get Wise to Yourself Pal"
By Barbara Tortorella

My father, “Frank the Cop,” spoke these words many times to my brothers and me. You needed to be wise to yourself about school work, who you hung out with and where you hung out. You needed to be wise to yourself about how you spoke to adults and teachers. You needed to be wise to yourself about school grades and homework because it was important to your future. Not being “wise to yourself” wasn’t an option because you then had to speak with “Frank the Cop.” You avoided that at all costs.

Unfortunately, my father never listened to his own words as he aged. He is 89 and he and my Mom (who is in a wheelchair) still live in their home. The bathroom is on the second floor. Like many Italians he doesn’t use the stove in the kitchen he uses the stove in the basement.

Not a good thing when both your knees have bone on bone. He never had knee surgery because the people he polled always told him how painful it was, and he never went through with it. I can imagine walking with bad knees is very painful as well, but that lasts for a lifetime. It affected him for the rest of his life as it limited his capacity to do many things he enjoyed. He and my Mom had the opportunity to go back to Hoboken (where they lived for 56 years) and be in a senior citizen building. He didn’t want to leave his tomato garden. Now they are isolated because all their close friends and neighbors have moved away.

In my visits with seniors I frequently see unsafe situations. Seniors are isolated, live alone and say “I don’t need a life line.” They don’t want to go to assisted living facilities or senior citizens buildings because “old people live there.” I try to cut through their denial by saying, “You’re 97 years old.” More times than not, it falls on deaf ears.

My fear is that not being wise can be very costly to the quality of elders’ lives. Hopefully when I am old (I hope I will be lucky enough to get to be old) I will be wise to myself.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Barbara Tortorella is a licensed Clinical Social Worker with C.A.R.E., LLC and a motivational speaker. You may call Barbara at (781) 659-1393 or email her at MSHoboken@aol.com.