Appreciation of Spousal Caregivers
By Beverly Moore

Quincy - April is Couples Appreciation Month. Being a caregiver to a spouse who changes due to a memory disorder like Alzheimer’s is especially challenging. As adult children we anticipate the day that our parents may become frail and need care, but couples rarely plan for that eventuality.

Marriage vows are recited; “in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part;’ but most of us don’t think that day will ever come. At least I didn’t, did you?

Alzheimer’s care giving is unique in that the person can not participate in decisions about care like a person who is cognitively intact. This places the responsibility squarely on the caregiver. Often the person with the disease lacks awareness of having anything wrong at all and may resist care.

This certainly increases the challenge for the care partner. How does one give care when the recipient sees no need?

I liken a marriage relationship to a dance. Each partner has been doing their dance for years. Each responds to the other without thinking about it. You know the scene; he has a look; she knows what he wants. She gives a look; he knows not to continue the direction the conversation is taking. Alzheimer’s is a memory disorder; one partner forgets the steps; responds in a different manner, perplexing the other partner. This leads to fear and sadness. It is imperative that the caregiver be educated in what is happening to the spouse, and learn new ways of ‘dancing.’ It takes some practice but is worth the effort to continue in the relationship. I’ve seen couples continue doing everyday activities they enjoy together, just in a new way.

About The Author

Beverly Moore is president of Sweet Grapes, Inc. a licensor for StilMee™ coaches. StilMee™ The leader in Alzheimer coaching™. Beverly’s book Matters of the Mind…and the Heart is available on line at www.Stil- Mee.com for an autographed copy or call (617) 328-3440.