Map Out A Plan
By Beverly Moore

Question: I asked a daughter to talk about her experience having her mother visit with her recently. She lives 120 miles away. Here are some excerpts from her return email.

Answer: I learned from the coach that I need to live in my Mom’s moments. It is not so stressful and in fact kind of nice to slow down and live life moment to moment. It is rather meditative for me and keeps Mom relaxed.

A good thing is that Mom is happy being with her kids. When she visited I made sure the day was not filled with a lot of things to do and if so, I needed to change my pace. I wrote a plan for the day down on paper to let her know what was going on. This worked only if she didn’t put it in her purse which I think is full of a lot of forgotten things!

The car trip to my home is two hours so I stopped at rest rooms even if she said she didn’t need to. I also gave her a small map that shows the route we were on, asking for her help. She loved to read the signs and then look at the map and tell me where we were. The last part of the drive, which is monotonous, I put on her favorite music (and mine). She tapped her feet to Frank Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney and Ella Fitzgerald.

It helped to know that Mom’s mental status waxes and wanes when in a different surrounding away from home and that this wouldn’t mean she’d stay confused. Our family knows how to help her in her confusion now, so the visit was a good one. I hope we can share many more now that I know how to do it right.

About The Author

Beverly is owner of Alzheimer Coaching Services which serves eastern Massachusetts and Rhode Island. ACS offers coaching to understand dementia and learn how to keep the person with memory loss integrated in family life. Title III E Older American Act grants provide free coaching to families in 45 towns and cities in the Bristol, south Norfolk, south shore and West Suburban areas. No referral is necessary. There is no restriction of income or age. Beverly’s company is located in Quincy and she may be reached at (617) 233-1145. You may read more about her company’s services at www.alzheimercoachingservices. com. Look for Beverly’s book Matters of the Mind…and the Heart to be released early 2008 Pre-order your copy @ www.Advantagebookstore.com.