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Caregiving In A
Blended Family
By
Beverly Moore |
 Quincy
- It has been more than 14 years of this disease for my
mother in law Bette, who passed away last week with
Alzheimer’s disease. She was five months shy of 100 years
old. I assumed a lot of the care planning as she
transitioned from home to assisted living, to a specialized
dementia unit where she died. As a nurse and an Alzheimer
specialist, I knew the healthcare system and how to work
with the many professionals who came into Bette’s life, so
taking charge of that part was an easy role for me.
The hardest part for me was learning to respect my husband’s
family’s journey toward acceptance and provide the best care
for Bette. Often they minimized her difficulties and
objected when I suggested she needed more services or more
frequent contact from us. “She’s not that bad,” I heard over
and over as her family tried to normalize the changes in
ability and behavior. I learned to wait for them to see the
need and filled in the need as I could.
I saw first hand how families grieve losing a family member
to this disease. There was a tendency to ignore changes and
often there was resentment when someone pointed out the
decline in ability. It took time for her family to
acknowledge that their mother, as they knew her, had
changed, and an even longer time to learn to accept the
person she was becoming.
Families don’t want to see the change so they quiz, remind,
reprimand and become impatient with themselves and others
when their efforts to bring her back fail. Sadness ensues.
Some family members stay away to avoid seeing the permanent
changes. Others increase their visits.
Thankfully, Bette’s family learned to love her as she
changed. They adopted new ways of talking with her, made
things easier for her so she experienced success more often
than failure and learned what brought joy to her life. Bette
leaves her family a better one than they were before
Alzheimer’s became a part of their life. We can thank the
disease for this at least. |
About The Author
Beverly Moore
is president of Sweet Grapes, Inc. and StilMee™, the leader
in Alzheimer coaching™. You may reach Beverly at Stil- Mee@comcast.net
or get more information on her company by visiting
www.StilMee.com. Visit Beverly’s blog @ www.stilmeecoach.
blogspot.com. Beverly’s book Matters of the Mind…and the
Heart is available @ www.Advantagebookstore. com or
www.StilMee.com for a signed copy. Five dollars from each
book sale goes into the StilMee Scholarship Fund serving low
income families with coaching help.
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