Question:
How can I convince my family member to go to a
day program or agree to a nursing home move?
Answer: The
question should be, “How do I arrange to get my family
member to a day program or move to a new supportive place?”
Thinking that is always impaired in dementia is that of
processing information, holding onto it, considering the
pros and cons, and making a sound decision. Your
‘explanation’ of the reasons for the change is lost and only
makes them more afraid. A person with dementia is afraid of
any change in routine and will say ‘no’ to any unknown.
You can’t convince a person with dementia to do anything.
The way we have to make changes for them is contrary to our
nature in dealing with people we care about. Couples
especially find this very difficult; they planned the future
together. They would ask, plan together and talk it over.
None of these are helpful now. You cannot ask, you cannot
plan in advance, and you cannot talk it over with them. It
feels deceptive but it is actually kind. You plan, you visit
the facility, you make the arrangements and talk it over
with family members or at your support group. Then you bring
your family member with dementia after everything is
ready for admission.
All this is worth it.
It works. You must believe that a day program is a gift to
the person with dementia. It is structured, safe, provides
socialization and provides opportunities to feel success.
Elders who said they would not go back, when simply brought
back one day after another, learned to look forward to going
and came home contented. |
