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Matters of the Mind
By
Beverly Moore |
Question:
How can I preserve my husband’s dignity through this
illness?
Answer:
Families want to preserve their relationship with their
family member with memory loss. For couples this becomes
very important. When we love someone we want them to be seen
at their best. Here are some ways you can do that.
• Simplify tasks to enable him to be successful at them.
Setting up a task for him can help him succeed.
• Avoid pointing out errors in memory, ability or reasoning.
• Speak to him as one adult to another, but slower and
simpler.
• Engage him in helping you with tasks he can still do well
enough. “Can you help me? I need a strong arm to lift this.”
• Clear up confusion without offending him. “Can I help you
with that? It might be more fun if we worked on it together.
What do you say?”
• Keep him involved in easy conversation. If he gets a
‘lost’ look, tell him again what is being discussed.
• Enlist others to include him in conversation and social
events.
• Guard against embarrassment; think ahead. If you think he
won’t know someone familiar, introduce the person casually.
“Oh here is our friend Roger. You loved fishing with him
long ago.”
• Reminisce over special times; ones he remembers.
• Observe his behavior and learn ways to respond effectively
and respectfully to him.
• Enter his world when he doesn’t seem to be in yours.
Stay in it with him until he reenters yours. It is often
temporary.
• Treat him as a man. Acknowledge his sexuality; that you
are still his partner.
• Acknowledge feelings he is expressing. He needs your
empathic ear. |
About The Author
Beverly
is owner of Alzheimer Coaching Services which serves
Metropolitan and West Suburban Boston, South Shore, Suffolk,
south Norfolk and Bristol counties. She offers coaching to
understand dementia and to learn how to accommodate the
person through habilitation methods. Three Title III E Older
American Act grants provide free coaching to families in the
south Norfolk, South Shore and Bristol areas. Her company is
located in Quincy and you may reach her at (617) 233-1145 or
visit her web site at
www.alzheimercoachingservices.com
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