When Home Is No Longer Enough
By Beverly Moore

Quincy - Have you promised someone that you will care for them at home until the end? Will you or have you had to break that promise? It can be done well.

Let’s look at the reasons for considering a move?

• Care is too much, too involved, too complicated medically.
• You are doing it alone.
• You are tired or ill.
• You are reaching your limits.
• Family conflict makes caregiving difficult.
• Work schedules make caregiving a strain or unsafe.
• Caregiving at home is unsafe.
• Your family member is indicating he needs to move.
• They are restless much of the time.
• They cannot structure his day.
• They retreat or resist care consistently.
• They shadow (follow you around).
• They seem more content in the structure of a day program.

Before the move
“Relabel” this decision for yourself.

• You are:
Not giving up on them.
Not ‘putting them away.’
Not a failure.

• You know:
They need more care than you can reasonably give.
They will be safer there, both physically and emotionally.
They will thrive in the structured day in a secure place.

Some hints for successfully moving those with Alzheimer’s.

Before the move

• Never address negative behaviors with threats of a nursing home; it is unkind.
• Do not ask if they want to move; they will become anxious unnecessarily.
• Do not plan or talk with them about the move way in advance; engage others.

After the move

• You will question your decision, feel guilt, shame…wait that time out. It is false guilt.
• Appreciate their adjustment to a new home, new routine, and a new identity; they will need time to build relationships with the staff and other residents. They will also need time redefine their relationship with family.
• Appreciate your adjustment to letting go of caregiving as you knew it. You are still a caregiver, one with different roles.

A move can be a successful, peaceful one for all.

About The Author

Beverly Moore is president of Sweet Grapes, Inc. a licensor for StilMee™ coaches. Stil- Mee™ The leader in Alzheimer coaching™. Beverly’s book Matters of the Mind…and the Heart is available on line at www.Stil-Mee.com for an autographed copy or go to www.strategicbookpublishing.com/MattersOfTheMindAndTheHeart. html