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Don't Let
Preconceptions Stop You
By
Joan Wright |
 Norwell
- Caregivers often put everyone else’s needs ahead of
their own; sometimes to the total neglect of their own
health. But if the caregiver isn’t well, what happens to the
person for whom they care? Support is so necessary in the
caregiver’s life.
So if you are a caregiver, or know one, consider knocking
down the excuses that stop you from getting help and this
year and tap into some support.
I’m not a group person. That’s what we hear sometimes
when we suggest that family caregivers join a support group.
The idea of exposing one’s emotions to total strangers can
be daunting. My own father uttered the very thing while
trying to care for my mother with Alzheimer’s. Yet after
finally giving it a try, he credited the group with giving
him guidance and encouragement to access options and make
some difficult decisions about her care.
I don’t want to listen to other people’s problem; I have
enough of my own. Not an unreasonable statement, but
sometimes the answer to one’s concerns is in the telling of
another’s. In a recent support group meeting, I watched and
listened to one seasoned caregiver share her experiences
with another who is just beginning.
Both caring for husbands with Alzheimer’s but on opposite
ends of the journey, the seasoned caregiver knew exactly how
the other was feeling. She compassionately offered insights
that might help the other woman avoid the pitfalls she had
encountered. No one could have said it with greater empathy,
truth and kindness.
I can’t see how a group can help. Caregivers are the
best resources for other caregivers. They’ve been there;
tried that; know what might work and admit what certainly
won’t. They’re more than willing to share techniques, tips
and tools. Group facilitators are typically professionals
with expertise in the respective subject area and trained in
group dynamics and facilitation. They offer assistance,
education and referral to current research, care providers
and a host of support systems. They’ll also keep folks on
topic and the discussion on track so that group meetings are
meaningful and helpful.
I don’t have time for a group. When you’re a
caregiver, you are often stretched at both ends. So going to
a group is just one more obligation, task, responsibility.
How can you possibly take on more? The irony is in finding
the time to care for yourself; you become better at caring
for others. Many caregivers reveal that making time for the
group is vital to survival; a lifeline; an oasis.
I’m not the only one feeling this way! Now this is
what we most often hear when someone tries a group. Only
caregivers can appreciate the brutal honesty of another
caregiver. They know the frustration, the anger, and the
desperation that caregivers feel when in the throes of
caring for someone. Caregivers aren’t shocked by what they
hear and understand the range of emotions expressed. What a
relief to be able to say out loud all those feelings
building up inside without any judgment by those listening!
They get it!
Whether the primary caregiver or in a support role, care
giving is a challenge. Groups are a wonderful way to connect
with knowledge, support and camaraderie.
There are many caregiver support groups available on the
South Shore; some disease- specific, some general. Local
VNAs and Councils on Aging either offer groups or have lists
of groups in the area. Call and connect.
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About The Author
Joan Wright,
CMC, a certified geriatric care manager, is a member of
Norwell VNA and Hospice’s Alzheimer’s care specialty team
and geriatric care management team. She co-facilitates NVNA
and Hospice’s support groups for caregivers of early, mid
and late stage Alzheimer’s. For more information on NVNA and
Hospice and all of its programs, call (781) 659-2342 or
visit www.nvna.org.
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