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Elder Life Questions
By Kate Granigan |
 Dear
Kate,
I am an 83 year-old widow,
and living alone in my own home since my husband died two
years ago. We bought the home when we were married, and
raised our children here. We have a life time of memories
here, not to mention belongings! My children are concerned
for my safety in the house, and I have had a number of
falls. The home also needs some upkeep, and I have
difficulty at this point even doing the basics. My family
thinks I should move from the home to a smaller more
manageable setting, and I suppose I do also. The problem is
that I do not even know where to start! I feel so
overwhelmed when I even think about moving, that I have to
put it out of my mind. I am also not sure of the right place
to move to, there are so many choices, and I don’t know
which one is right for me.
L. M., Scituate, MA
Dear L.M.,
Your feelings and concerns
are similar to so many people in your situation. Although a
move may be the best and safest choice, it does not mean
that it is an easy thing to think about. Many people have
lived the majority of their adult life in one home, raised
their children there, belonged to the community and are very
comfortable in these familiar surroundings. As we age,
however, and life’s circumstances change, it is often
impractical and sometimes unsafe to remain in the same home
that once fit you and your families’ needs so well. As you
mentioned, the details of moving often become the deterrent
for many, as it feels much too overwhelming to face the
actual task.
The first steps in making a move are often as simple as
becoming educated about what options are available,
assessing what your needs are now and in the future,
determining what is available and what you may be eligible
for based on your financial picture, and looking at what you
feel would be the best choice for you based on these
factors. This may mean meeting with a Financial Planner, an
Elder Law attorney, or a Professional Geriatric Care Manager
that can help you with the process. It is sometimes hard to
imagine leaving your home if you do not have a clear picture
of where you will be going. This process can help you
clarify your plan.
If it is an Independent or Assisted Living facility that you
will be looking for, there is often the option of “trying it
out” before you commit to a long term lease. In most cases
speaking to other residents to see what their experience has
been may help you determine if this is a good fit for you.
When the time comes to move, there are often ways to do this
in stages so that it is less overwhelming. Asking family now
to help you sort out belongings, make donations, and pass on
items that you no longer need can greatly reduce the stress
when the time comes to actually move. Even if a move
is a ways off, being pro active in this way can ease the
process. Being sure that you keep with you a few items that
are treasures from your past and reflect your fond memories
even after you have moved will help with the transition, and
make your new spot feel more like home.
Taking the process one step at a time, instead of focusing
on the big picture can help you feel more in control and
less overwhelmed.
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About The Author
Kate Granigan, LICSW is the Executive Director and Managing
Partner of C.A.R.E., LLC. Please send questions to Kate at
C.A.R.E., LLC 475 School Street, Suite 17, Marshfield, MA
02050. For further information call (781) 837-7444 or find
C.A.R.E. on the web at
www.care-elderspecialist.com.
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