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Holiday Tips Relieve
Caregivers
By Kate Granigan |
 Dear
Kate:
My 87-year-old mother has lived with me since my father died
last year. She has mild memory impairment and can get
overwhelmed with large groups and excitement. This is the
first holiday season that we will spend together without my
father. I usually have a large crowd both Christmas Eve and
Christmas Day. I do all the baking, cooking and decorating.
In the years past I have fully enjoyed this role. My
children and grandchildren count on me to follow the
tradition.
Over the past few years, keeping up with this routine has
become more difficult for me. The added pressure of the
daily care of my mother is making the entire process feel
stressful. I am feeling overwhelmed with the thought of all
of the tasks, as well as concerned for my mother, but I do
not want to let my family down.
How will I make it through the holiday season without a
breakdown?
N. G., Milton, MA
Dear N.G.,
With the holiday season fast approaching, you are not alone
in your concerns and feelings.
This is usually a joyous time of year; however, many people
find the holidays very challenging. The increased stress of
family obligations and upholding traditions can place
tremendous pressure on those having difficulty with tasks
that once were much simpler. Adding the role of primary
caregiver to your mother undoubtedly adds to this as well,
on a daily basis, never mind at the holidays. Also, sadness,
especially for those older relatives who have lost most of
their friends and family, can be magnified during the
holiday season. These experiences can turn a joyful time
overwhelming.
Here are a few tips that will help remove the pressure and
stress while allowing the holidays to be a memorable time:
• Talk to family about alternative locations to celebrate:
It may be time to create new traditions, letting a younger
relative become the host and allowing you to become a guest.
Many times family welcomes the opportunity to allow the
older relative to “pass the baton.”
• Select one or two of your favorite traditions to
continue: If it is your baking that is most enjoyed, then
keep that activity to help you feel the holiday season. You
may find that this is an activity that your loved one can
also participate in with you, despite their memory
impairment. Giving a single task and supervising could lead
to a very special time for you and your loved one, without
the pressure of “doing everything.”
• Simplify: Downscaling decorating to your most treasured
items allows for the festive feeling without the
overwhelming task of set up and clean up.
• Take time for yourself: Allow yourself time to enjoy the
holiday, and step out of your tasks as caregiver. Ask other
relatives who are around for the holidays, and are otherwise
unavailable to help with the caregiving role, to spend time
with your mother so you can do something to treat yourself,
and have time to de-stress.
• Don’t avoid the gatherings, but be sensitive to them:
Think of your loved one’s routine and determine the best
times of day for visiting when they are most rested and
relaxed. Be sensitive to the fact that with memory
impairment, visiting with those not seen but once a year may
be difficult. Repeating someone’s name for your loved one as
they approach, “Mom, here comes cousin Larry, he’s visiting
form New York” can reduce the stress and preserve dignity.
Also, shorter visits at multiple times, with opportunity for
rest in between, will probably be most successful. |
About The Author
Kate Granigan, LICSW is the Executive Director and Managing
Partner of C.A.R.E., LLC. Please send questions to Kate at
C.A.R.E., LLC 475 School Street, Suite 17, Marshfield, MA
02050. For further information call (781) 837-7444 or find
C.A.R.E. on the web at
www.care-elderspecialist.com.
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