Question:
Last year was a year of change and turmoil for me and my
family. My lovely and kind mother has come to live with us.
After her arrival, we noticed the sure signs of dementia. It
was probably there all along but with her previously living
out of state, we didn’t realize how far it had progressed.
The latter part of last year was a draining and difficult
time trying to make sure she was okay, while making sure I
and my husband were able to work and take care of our
teenage children with school and all their activities. I am
getting burned out and I am worried about the burden to my
family. How can I make this year easier on us all and keep
Mom home with us? This is where she belongs, but I am
anxious.
C.R., Plymouth
Answer:
The three key issues for achieving your goals are safety,
balance and peace of mind.
Safety is a factor in leaving anyone with dementia alone for
hours at a time. Wandering away, use of potentially
dangerous appliances (stoves, etc.), medication errors and
dehydration can all create threats to an elder’s safety. In
most forms of dementia, loss of time awareness and safety
consciousness are common. So having someone there to check
in or spend time with the elder while the family is engaged
in the things they need to do can be an important component
to protecting the elder. In lieu of having someone there,
use of remote calling devices can sometimes be helpful, so
long as the dementia has not passed a point where the elder
may not be able to remember how to activate the device in an
emergency. But these do not take the place of caring eyes
and ears.
There is nothing more distracting than being at work,
worrying that an elderly parent might not be eating, getting
their medication or wandering the neighborhood. Knowing that
the elder is safe gives families the peace of mind they need
to comfortably carry out their own activities. Setting up a
schedule that is tailored to the elder’s actual needs helps
so much. For example, if the elder is a sound sleeper and
never awakes before nine in the morning, helpers can come in
at that time and help the elder with dressing, breakfast and
medication reminders. If wandering is not an issue and other
safeguards are in place, the helper can leave and return
later in the day to assist with afternoon or evening
preparations. It may be that the elder requires supervision
at all times. In these situations, the right home care
organization provides many services the elder and family
need.
Lastly, a critical need is life balance for you, the family
caregiver; balancing the role of caring for your Mom with
that of being a parent, a spouse, a worker, a community
member. Balance involves being able to manage all these
roles without becoming overburdened and burned out. This
means taking care to carve out time for oneself, for
recreating, relaxation and play. It is an awesome and sacred
duty caring for a parent who has become dependent or ill. To
do so, and to care for oneself at the same time, leads to
achieving the goals of lovingly carrying out our sense of
duty to those we love. |
